So, it's been a really long time since I've written a blog. Quite honestly, I forgot that I owned one! LOL. Anyway, so much has happened that it's going to take more than one blog to get it all out. But, I will say that I've been REALLY BUSY. I mean, this parenting thing is NO joke, people! Joshua has so many issues and sometimes, they become really overwhelming. Did you know that unless someone goes through foster care, or is biologically connected to the child, there are zero services? No financial help at all! While I'm not looking for money because my Father owns it all, I think this is the biggest travesty in the world. I mean, I am saving the state thousands of dollars (I know because I just did my taxes;) and the child is one that I voluntarily took in, and really? No services?
I could honestly talk about the stupidity of that forever, but really, I want to talk about how this past year has gone in the quickest way possible. Joshua is the greatest kid ever! I mean seriously. He's completely house broken... er... potty trained, and so smart. Did you know that he's already adding? I'm so proud. My four year old is adding on his fingers! He knows all his letters and about 85% of his sounds. He's really quite amazing. He has the greatest smile and his laugh, oh it makes me melt inside. I'm in love with my four year old. *sigh* He talks a mile a minute but his speech is so clear. I look at the milestones and verbally, he is well above his age level and uses words like, "actually" and "immense". Gosh, he's so darned smart! He can tell the greatest stories and loves to use his imagination. He uses reasoning skills that some of my students even in late elementary school don't yet have a concept of. One day, I took him to work because he had some difficulties at school (more on that later), and he was sitting on the floor, and couldn't see what we were doing. But, we were teaching our students the "magic 9s" for multiplying using our fingers. We would say put the first finger down and that's nine times one. Then the second finger, and so on and so forth. We would watch the students as they struggled to grasp this concept. We were working on 9 times 4 and we asked what finger went down and the students kept saying, "The pointer finger!" This was incorrect because we've been telling them the second finger, third finger, etc. We keep saying, "No." and then from across the room, we hear, "THE FOURTH ONE!!!!" My son had caught onto this pattern before my students. And these were 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders. Have I said yet that I love this kid? Yes? Well, in case you missed it, he's quite amazing.
I love taking pictures of him because he's incredibly photogenic. He gets cuter with age. He's looking at the camera more and his smiles are more genuine. It's a wonderful thing.
But, it hasn't always been good. He throws horrible tantrums that can last for hours. There have been a couple of times where I seriously wanted to throw him out of the car or out of the house because it was driving me literally insane. As many four year olds are (especially only children), he's incredibly selfish. I am learning that this is a normal behavior and that I have to let it go and just continue to teach empathy and compassion. He's also sad much of the time because he misses his mama. She doesn't ever call him and has completely abandoned him. It makes me so sad and mad. NO kid should have to deal with that. He is so scared of her. When he sees her, he has accidents on himself. There are times when I wish I could read his mind so that I can see what he is thinking and remembering. He used to have nightmares every night about bugs. These were memories that were surfacing. These don't happen as often as they once were. While I'm relieved, I also know that they served a purpose. So, I'm sort of torn. But, I know that things come out in time. He's been kicked out of two day care centers because of his tantrums during nap time. Seriously, it would be fine if he didn't want to take a nap. But, he woke up all the kids and scared them with his daily (yes 2 hours a day) tantrums. Both places lasted 9 months. It was such a travesty because both places were great and he learned a lot both socially and academically. Now, he's with a single sitter who only cares for one other kid and then only 4 days a week. While he's doing better, he's still not napping (although we're working on it), and she doesn't really make his education a priority as far as just maintaining the skills he's already learned. I know that this is not a big deal. Really, I do; but being a student with LD and working with those students, I want him to have the most of an edge going in because I am pretty sure that his behavioral difficulties are not just going to stop. He's going to miss classes because of it especially in the beginning unless God intervenes in a big way. So, if he has a good foundation, maybe this will make it so that he will stay ahead of the curve for a while.... I am scared for him. I want him to be successful. I want him to learn to love God and want to follow Him fully. I see that he wants that too. I feel bad and guilty because I don't quite know how to reach him sometimes. This week, he seems really sad. I think it's because I was out of town last weekend and we didn't have a good start on Monday due to a tantrum. Hopefully, he'll feel better and I'll see my smiling boy again. But it hurts so much to see him so sad. Flat affect most of the week. I could have told him that he was going to the biggest birthday party ever and that he could get his own dog and he'd look and smile. No excitement. I hate the fact that he's feeling depressed and there's little I can do about it. But, that's just a part of it. I'm going to try to be better about really being transparent about these things and remember that I have this wonderful thing. But, I think I've written more than enough for one night.
Goodnight, Blog World
No comments:
Post a Comment