Spring Break

I love Spring Break. AND it's Birthday Week:) Two of my favorite things together. Not having to work and my birthday. Could this week BE any cooler? And I get to spend it with my wonderful son who right now is downstairs being entertained by Elmo. I hear him laughing and it makes me laugh. I really am happy that we get this week to bond and connect in ways that I don't usually have the energy to do during the school day. Plus, I get to work on my school class which is also great. I hate this class. It's full of math, papers, and depending on people who don't know how to write:( But, Praise God this is the last week.
I've also started eharmony a couple of months ago. I figured that it's time I get out there. I've realized from my time in CR that the reason I haven't been dating is not because of them, it's been because of my crippling fear of rejection. I didn't realize how bad it was until after I completed my step study. My horrible feelings of "what if" have greatly hindered my dating life. But, I'm not going to allow that anymore. I have started talking to this guy but he lives in TN. He seems nice enough but eager and well, I don't do well with that. But, I'm going to try. Spiritually he seems pretty good, but only time will tell. I chose eharmony because I figured that this way I don't have to leave Joshua and can do it on my time without disrupting his life. It's definitely going to be tricky, but I think I'm ready to stop making excuses.
Joshua's therapist has been pushing me in the past few months to consider pushing Noelle to consider me adopting Joshua. She was sort of concerned when I said that I wasn't quite ready for that yet. But the truth is that to go through that process is emotionally draining, financially draining and time consuming. Not to mention that it makes things final. I know that seems silly, but I'm really scared of the word final. It's not that I'll never do it or even that it's not something that I want, but I am not ready to go that next step yet. Does that make me sound stupid or selfish? I don't quite know. But on the other hand, I know that it is something that I do want in the end, but I just don't know if now is the time to pursue that. I'll just keep trusting God with it all and see how it goes.