For the past few days, I've had a Kirk Franklin song in my head. The whole song is about how God never puts more on us than we can bear. I've heard this before... many times in fact. In my culture, this is one of the many things that we say to each other over and over again. I often equate it to God will stop before it gets to be too much. But as I thought about it, I wonder... what is too much? If we look at the Bible, it seems that the human definition of too much and God's definition are two totally different things. Adam and Eve lost Paradise and later both their sons; one due to murder and the other to disobedience. Noah lost everyone who wasn't immediate family and endured years of teasing and taunting. Abraham had to leave everything that was familiar and go to some strange land. Lot lost his wife and self respect. Job lost everything except his wife and friends who let's be honest were not very good at the whole comforting thing... well you get the point. Some of them sinned and these were the consequences but some of them were just victims of circumstances beyond their control. As you know, I lost my job. I hate being unemployed because I love what I did and I love structure and predictability. I've been on several interviews but as of yet, not a single job. As of next week, I will be in real trouble because money will start to run out and my emergency fund will need funds. I was denied unemployment, my tax return didn't come through and now I'm fighting with both parts of the government to show me the money. I'm trying to raise my son without turning into the evil mother and trying to stay regulated so that he can stay regulated. I'm praying, studying, and doing a lot of talking to God. In the midst of all of this, I know that God will not put more on me than I can bear. But WHAT does that mean? I mean we say that so flippantly. "God won't give you more than you can handle" After a while it becomes more of a catch phrase meant to comfort even though many times, it doesn't.

Jesus told us not to worry about what we will eat or drink or wear. He says that God knows our needs and will take care of them. That God cares about us. I believe that whole-heartedly. But, in my humanness, I think, well, thanks for telling me not to worry. That's great to say. But how do I not worry? I mean, what else do I have to do? But then I remember my steps (of course) and pray the Serenity prayer and ask God... unpack this PLEASE! Here's what I discovered.

Matthew 11:28-30 NIRV
28 "Come to me, all of you who are tired and are carrying heavy loads. I will give you rest. 29 Become my servants and learn from me. I am gentle and free of pride. You will find rest for your souls. 30 Serving me is easy, and my load is light."

1 Peter 5:7 The Message (MSG)
6-7So be content with who you are, and don't put on airs. God's strong hand is on you; he'll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you.

Here's what I learned: God doesn't give us more than we can handle... but we take on more than God intended for us to have. Jesus tells us to give our burdens to Him. He says if we do, then we will find the rest for our souls. God is not surprised by my life. It didn't just come upon Him. He did not say, "Uh-oh." or OOPS!. (I did though). Day in and day out, it's a daily decision for me to give Jesus my cares and concerns. If I don't, then I cannot blame God for giving me more than I can handle. The truth is that if my son is trying to pick something up that is too heavy, I tell him to put it down so that I can carry it to where it's supposed to go. Why? Because it's more than he can carry. He knows that it's too much and that if he tries, he'll hurt himself from the weight of it all. And yet in my life, I'm often trying to pick up a ton of bricks thinking that I can shoulder it alone. This was never what God intended. Sure, He'll let us try. But He's right there beside me saying, "Janelle, whenever you're tired of being stubborn, let me know. I have free hands to carry that." I am not God. I have zero control over any of this. The only thing I can do is give it to God and ask Him to carry it and me wherever He wants. The great thing about it is that He doesn't mind my asking. As a matter of fact, He wants me to ask. Yes, I'm struggling, but I'm trusting that God is going to get me through. The key for me: to rest in Him and not hop out of Hands. I want a job... I really do. But, during this time, I don't want to squander what God has for me. I will continue to pray for favor and gainful employment and ask that you do the same for me. But also, pray that I don't forget the valuable lessons that God has for me during this time.