It's been brought to my attention that I haven't written a blog in 7 months... Honestly, I've been so wrapped up in stuff that I haven't really thought about it. So, I'll catch you up... Got a job... This is a praise as many people wouldn't be able to say that these days. With that said, this is definitely a job "for a season". I'm praying that season ends when school starts and I can return to teaching. I miss it so much! But God is using this current job to stretch me in ways that apparently I needed. I love adults and love having friends who aren't kids, but I've discovered that I have very little compassion for whiny adults who are too selfish to focus outside of themselves. This folks is many times the nature of my job. Not all the time and not all of my clients are like this. It's better now than when I started. But I do have to win over their approval and convince them that they need me in their lives. Otherwise, no money. This has caused serious stress not only there, but the increase in my gas consumption as this is the way that I get from one client to another. I'm probably traveling between 250 and 350 miles per week average. My poor little car is doing it but it's on its last legs. The increase in gas has tightened my already tight budget along with the repairs from my old car. (2001 Elantra with almost 200,000 miles). Since December, I've spent over $1500 in car repairs and maintenance. Needless to say, it's time for a new car. I will say though, I'm getting to know Lynchburg and Amherst County like the back of my hand. Other things I've learned: many people in Lynchburg really are related to each other...and have the scandalous lives to prove it. I do like my clients most of the time. I'm partial to one who is really the most caring women I've ever met... just don't ever get on her bad side! I've developed a compassion for lower SES in a way that I didn't think of and have to say that our system really IS broken! If it weren't for churches providing food, clothing and shelter for many of these people, they'd be out on the street.
On the home front, Joshua has his ups and downs. We made it over a month with nothing but good reports. I was so excited! Then, BAM! Down the slippery slope we go. I love my son but the last two weeks have been torture. Sometimes, I have to walk the dog just to keep from killing the kid! Between the lying and stealing... and now we're bullying a special needs child at school (he kicked the kid last week and choked the kid this week). Needless to say, this meant a referral for my Kindergartener and in school suspension (although they don't call it that in elementary). THEN I had to take a step back in order to not bully him. If you've been bullied, you know what I'm talking about. Apparently at school, he showed no remorse although there was a LOT of remorse at home... mostly due to (ahem) spiritual conversations with God... I'm praying through it and trying my best. The one thing I hold on to is the fact that God placed him with me this young for a reason. I don't think that Joshua is headed for a life of crime... not with as many people praying for him daily and loving him as they do. I'm looking toward the future and praying that he's just getting this yucky stuff out of his system now so that we don't have to deal with it later. The difference for me is: I realize that it's not my fault. He's making these decisions. I'm not taking it personally which I did for a long time. He's choosing anger and bitterness. Until he decides that he wants to change, I can only change the environments he's in. But boy do I hate doing that. I miss that part of my son. I miss that time of hanging out and doing fun stuff and not having to discipline all the time. But, I know that God will bring him back. It's just hard to be patient. To top it off, the adoption is still not finalized. His sperm donor is MIA and doesn't want to be found. We are now at a 2 year process for adoption on something that should have gone smoothly. BUT again, I know that there is an end to this. God's got it under control. This past weekend, I was looking at the lesson for The Landing and there was this set of verses that I came across that I love in the Message. It's from Isaiah 41:8-12.
This is what the Lord says:
8-10"But you, Israel, are my servant.
You're Jacob, my first choice,
descendants of my good friend Abraham.
I pulled you in from all over the world,
called you in from every dark corner of the earth,
Telling you, 'You're my servant, serving on my side.
I've picked you. I haven't dropped you.'
Don't panic. I'm with you.
There's no need to fear for I'm your God.
I'll give you strength. I'll help you.
I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.
11-13"Count on it: Everyone who had it in for you
will end up out in the cold—
real losers.(<-- side note... in my head, I'm saying, "ha ha ha")
Those who worked against you
will end up empty-handed—
nothing to show for their lives.
When you go out looking for your old adversaries
you won't find them—
Not a trace of your old enemies,
not even a memory.
That's right. Because I, your God,
have a firm grip on you and I'm not letting go.
I'm telling you, 'Don't panic.
I'm right here to help you.'
How cool is that? So, this is what I'm clinging to this week and this is what I'm clinging to for my Joshua. Please continue to pray for both of us. The end of school is near!
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