*Sigh*

Recently I've been in a spiritual stump. We've all been there right? It happens so gradually that you don't realize that it's happened until you're trying to figure out why the Spirit doesn't move you like it used to. Instead of relishing in the spirit of the holidays, I was simply trying to keep my head above water. I tried to talk to God and couldn't find the words to say. After a devastating work situation with a kid, it really was all I could do to wake up and return to work day after day. I was grieving and trying to keep up with the other kids who were still in my case load. I was not successful and spent all of December wandering if I was ever going to have the energy to catch up on missed paperwork. At the same time, I didn't want to do anything and found it hard to stay on top of things that up until that point had never been an issue. December's stresses continued as all of my kids on my caseload lost their cotton pickin' minds! I ended up doing what I comes naturally to me these past few years... escaping into TV. I found that I was able to shut my mind off and not think about the stress and the pressures of the day and of my job.This meant missed opportunities, arriving later and later to work, missing Sunday mornings and completely turning off God at times to escape. This turned into a mild depression where I just felt numb. Don't get me wrong, there were some highlights. My family rocks, I mean they seriously do. While my kids at work were losing it, my own son was able to successfully manage the holidays like a child without trauma triggers. This was a major accomplishment especially since there were many nights where others picked him up from daycare because I was working. But if anything required any type of serious effort, I knew it wasn't really going to happen. I could feel things getting out of control including the Landing. Spiritually, we were all being attacked. It was so discouraging. But the one thing that I was able to remember was that I wasn't going to stay there forever. I spent the New Year at home not because I didn't have anywhere to go, but because I didn't want to go anywhere. As January came, I started remembering that regardless of what was going on at work, I had a life and I had things that needed to get done. I slowly started to catch up. My paperwork was completed, the kids started to return to normal, I remembered that I had community... I made the decision to remember what was most important and decided that I was going to participate in the next Bible study. Gideon, here I come. Things are still stressful BUT I have remembered who I am and have gone back to focusing on what's important... although can I just say, I'm tired of winter. I want to thaw out now. I live in the south so that we have breaks from consistent winter weather. Where are the 60 degree breaks and above average temperatures?