notenough

It has been such a tough couple of weeks at work and school! I love my job but lately, it's had to be a choice to love it rather than just out of the wellspring like in the past. There are some families who are really tough to deal with and it seems that they keep pointing out things that I am doing wrong. So, then I get called in and told the things that they reported and then reprimanded. Sort of a "Yes, they're difficult, but you're not doing enough" types of conversations. It sucks! The thing about it is that I'm doing the best that I know how to do and it's discouraging because it seems like no matter what I do, I can't win. I'm not saying I'm perfect or anything... far from it. Believe me, I know that full well and yet, there is no acknowledgment or encouragement of the positive things that I've tried. Today, it was more about accusation. I try to make the changes but even with those it's still not right. It's not enough. My supervisor even though I'm trying to show her grace being that she's new to the position doesn't know how to encourage or just listen. Just wants to point out my many faults and then tell me to do better. Not helpful, just empty words to my hurting, discouraged heart... and this is really what I'm feeling. Discouraged.

The good thing is that I know that this is just a season. Things won't be like this forever. My God loves me and He knew how discouraged I was feeling (and still feel). So, He's given me CR to encourage me. He's put me in a place to listen to women's hearts as they share their hurts, habits and hang ups. We had 19 in the large group on Sunday and I got to be a part of that! He's given me a step study to co-lead. While it's been tough and many will not finish the journey, being a part of that has shown me where I was and where He wants to take me. I love my step study ladies and they have been a blessing as they've blessed me. He's also given me wonderful women to sponsor. What a wonderful and humbling journey. On Monday, I was blessed to see the growth of a woman who is well into her golden years. She should be sponsoring me with her vast wisdom and yet, in God's upside down kingdom, I get the privilege of helping her through her journey. On Tuesday I get the privilege of sponsoring another woman and while she has a lot going on, it's such a joy to see how God is moving in her life. Wednesdays, I sponsor a true friend who has had a spiritual awakening and even though I've known her for over two years, it brings tears to my eyes to listen to her talk about the awesome God we serve. I find her so refreshing and such a joy. All three of these women are teaching me about what it means to live in community and to use the gifts that God has given to give back to others. So, at work, I was discouraged. But God reminded me that I don't need to be downcast. Before I started blogging, I checked my verse for the day. How I missed this earlier, only God knows but this is what it said:
“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12 Could the timing be more perfect? He is an on time God who is the Great Encourager. He reminded me of this one simple and yet profound fact:
Greater is He that is in me than he that is in my classroom.