This has been a hard weekend for me. My son is sick and today I found out that he has the flu and bronchitis. Yesterday and the day before, he was still at the running and jumping-gotta-get-him-to-rest phase. Today, he was pitifully listless. No school for either of us and probably not going to happen until Wednesday if all goes well. To be quite honest, I'm going crazy at home. While I love my son and have enjoyed the snuggle time, I haven't talked to any adult besides my mother, sister, and work since Friday. I would hear crickets if it weren't so cold outside. When the Doc said that he may not go back to school until next week, I almost cried. Mostly for feeling guilty about crying not about my sick son, but about my selfish what about me attitude. If you know me you know how truly scatter-brained I am. Needless to say, my lesson plans were not good and so I was scolded (firmly yet gently) for that and so that just adds on to the pile of self loathing. I do not like myself in this state. But, God is so here! I have choices and this is what makes this different from times before. Yes, I went there at times, but I've also decided not to stay there.I've prayed the Serenity Prayer more times today and yesterday than I can count. It's been so helpful.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change I can't change that my son is sick. I can't change that I'm at home bored. I can't change being a single parent doing this alone. I can't change my brain make-up.
The courage to change the things I can My lesson plans were horrid. So, I can go to work and make up new ones and over prepare. I can communicate better and ask for feedback without slipping into defensive excuse making mode. I can apologize and improve. I can take this time and dedicate it to God.
And the Wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time...
One moment at a time...
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.. While I feel like my life right now is chaotic, I know that this isn't going to last forever. Besides, it's not about me. In the big span of things, this is just a day... a blip and things will return to normal. It may be Wednesday, it may not be until the weekend but this too will pass until the next crisis:)
Taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it is; not as I would have it. My choice: Back to my own schedule and routine where I know what's coming next.
Trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your Will. Joshua WILL get better. I simply need to ask God what He wants me to learn from this experience.
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life He is a cute sick little boy... Actually he's on his best behavior when he's ill. His brain power is spent healing, not thinking up evil plots to kill me before I'm 35... or to die before his 6th birthday...
And supremely happy with You forever in the next...
So glad that I have the tools now to move forward and not backward:) While I feel that this was a silly, pitiful post, I do feel better.
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